The father’s place in the family
A profound change
The father’s role during pregnancy
The father’s role during childbirth
After the birth…
The father’s role during pregnancy
Most often than not, during pregnancy the mother will appreciate a man who is involved in what she is going through, someone who is attentive to her new needs.
Remaining attentive to the mother’s desires is a delicate but important task. The father must be able to feel capable of letting the mother regress and let herself be “mothered” from time to time.
He can show his involvement in many areas: the material preparation of the child’s arrival, reading documents about pregnancy and childbirth, being present during medical check-ups, childbirth preparatory courses, ultrasound scans, and so on. Every couple will find a balance between an absent, disinterested father and an intrusive father who does not respect the mother’s privacy.
With regard to the material area there are many things to be purchased: clothing, pram, baby-seat for the car, feeding bottles, etc. Some fathers feel uncomfortable in maternity shops but these purchases are an opportunity to create a place for the child together.
With regard to reading, the father can get information about pregnancy, childbirth, fatherhood, etc. Reading helps to channel the anxiety that may arise in face of the unknown but sometimes it is also an excellent pretext for a two-way discussion.
The baby grows in his mother’s belly but the father does not perceive very much. He may have noticed a little silhouette on the first ultrasound scan, but that is all.
As for the mother, she may feel the baby move in her belly quite early on. She is obviously excited about it but also frustrated sometimes to be unable to share this experience.
When these movements can be felt by placing one’s hand on the mother’s belly, the father should make the most of this opportunity of feeling a little life form wriggling beneath his palm. The mother’s enthusiasm is thus shared.
Those who are the most interested in this mode of communication involving touch can turn towards haptonomy which enables a real exchange between the adult and the foetus. Haptonomy can also be used to help the foetus position itself correctly before birth.
Talking to the baby in the mother’s belly may bring a smile to some people’s lips or seem totally natural to others. We know the baby recognizes his mother’s voice and knows when she is talking to him. He moves in a particular way on these occasions. It would seem that the father’s voice can have this effect if the baby hears it regularly. The father’s voice will have a reassuring effect for the newborn if he has had the opportunity to get used to it very early on.